


You’re a Home

by Rina__Raezz



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: ATEEZ Storyline, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Character Study, Gen, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mingi likes Yunho but he needs to heal before doing anything tbh, Referenced Anxiety, References to Depression, References to self isolation, Rejection Sensitivity, Self depreciation, Smidge of comedy, hinted toxic relationships, very little about the relationships but it’s implied
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:34:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26225731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rina__Raezz/pseuds/Rina__Raezz
Summary: The days go on and Mingi feels himself getting worse. But he won’t tell anyone about it.When his best friend and crush, Yunho, tries to confront him about it— Mingi tries everything he can to hide it. While a little part of him wants to stop lying.A Mingi Character Study based off of the Ateez storyline.
Relationships: Jeong Yunho/Song Mingi
Comments: 1
Kudos: 35





	You’re a Home

**Author's Note:**

> Please read the tags before consuming my work!

Another day had gone by. The colours of indigo and noir hung in the sky. They spread throughout the city and let its cool breezes and colours wisp around the emptying streets. As people started to file back into their houses and hug loved ones, coddle pets close or talk to friends on the phone. 

All the while, there were a certain few that would wake up at this hour. To start the day with the shine of the moon as they headed off to their work. Either way, the city felt magical at this hour. As if it was proving that it was alive.

Mingi was envious of it.

He stared at the ceiling of his room, tears pricking his eyes. He didn’t know why he was crying that night. But he let his silent sobs echo through the room anyways. Quiet enough to keep his family unaware. Loud enough to convince himself that he was sad.

There was no reason for him to be sulking like this. Everything in his life was going perfect.

He had a family that loved him, grades to boast about, a group of friends he hung out with everyday. He was spoiled to the core and anything he wanted he could have. 

Then why did Mingi feel so empty?

He didn’t have enough energy to dream up any coherent thoughts or excuses. Just the gaping feeling that grew from his gut and swallowed him from the inside— making him feel terribly void.

The city continued to move while Mingi lay there as a corpse with a soul. Muffled revs of cars outside continued to emanate from his open window. His clock ticked every second. The moon continued to traverse across the open, clear sky.

A cool breeze slipped past his curtains and brushed his skin. The tinges of an oncoming frost nipped at his skin, whilst the rising goosebumps reminded him he was alive as well. 

How many minutes had passed already. How long was he crying for? It had to be past midnight by now. There was no reason for him to be weeping for this long. He had to wake up early tomorrow. There were things he needed to do.

In spite of his initial thoughts, Mingi continued to stay awake that night. A storm had started to cloud his brain and kept him alert for at least a few more hours. 

It didn’t bother him that much though, he was beginning to get used to it.

That night he dreamed of nothing.

“GUYS SERIOUSLY.” Hongjoong’s desperate yells across the warehouse reverberated against the walls. His face was scrunched up in exasperation and anger, yet his laugh was light and airy. “IF YOU DON’T GIVE ME MY NOTEBOOK BACK I SWEAR TO GOD.“

Mingi watched as the blue haired boy heaved in a breath before trying to chase San and Wooyoung around the room. It had been about the fifth time he tried and every attempt ended with one of the two throwing it to the other like a football, causing Hongjoong to nearly scream.

He watched the three circle each other like a group of cats and dogs. In fact, if he listened close enough he could nearly hear Hongjoong starting to bark in anger. A small grin worked its way onto his face when he imagined it.

“SEONGHWAAAAA.” 

The male in question— dressed way too seriously for a hangout— perked up at his name and lifted his head from the book he was reading. He took a minute to take in the sight before him, glancing at Mingi to confirm if it was real.

He simply nodded with the smile still present on his lips.

“Do you want something?”

“UH.” Hongjoong gestured wildly at the two children— who continued to giggle and ignore his shots of trying to obtain his book back. “HELP????”

Seonghwa knew what was going on. But God forbid he get sucked into it as well, Mingi could recall the countless times in the past three days where his poor friend was victimized. Not just because Mingi himself was part of the scheme more often than not.

So the eldest only cocked his head to the side innocently. “I don’t think I’d be of much assistance. Try asking Jongho or Yeosang. Maybe they’d be able to help.”

Hongjoong, getting increasingly frustrated, twisted around for the two that were suggested. 

Besides their discarded bags by the door and a pair of flannel jackets thrown casually onto one of the couches off to the side, there was no sign of them anywhere. The only people present were the five of them, as well as Yunho— who was tuning up his guitar by Hongjoongs keyboard.

“SEONGHWA THEY AREN’T EVEN HERE?”

Looking around himself, Seonghwa blinked blankly before shrugging.

Mingi bit his lip to stop the loud cackle from escaping his mouth when he saw the light drain from Hongjoong’s eyes. 

“ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW—“

“OOOOOO IS THIS A LOOOOOOVE SONG?”

San’s sadistic laugh stopped Hongjoong from even finishing his complaint. And as if that one phrase was a shot of adrenaline. The three went back at it again. Running around until Hongjoong would give up and collapse in defeat. 

It wasn’t that serious. Nothing really was when it came to them. They’ve never had any big fights or extremely tense confrontations that had to be defused. Every person in the group knew there was nothing to be worked up about, because at the end of the day, it was all in good fun. No one had any ill intent. Which is why they could pass things like these up as if it was nothing.

Reclining back in his seat on the couch, Mingi kept watching the show presented before him. 

His eyes trailed towards Wooyoung, the current holder of the treasured notebook. With a face scrunched up in laughter and eyes so full of joy and mischief, Mingi took in how his stare was trained on San the entire time. 

In turn, San kept his gaze focused on his partner in crime. He never strayed too far from Wooyoung and when his friend made even the slightest odd gesture, San understood what it meant. 

He pressed the ball of his foot against the ground and dashed by Wooyoung, easily taking the notebook into his possession and throwing Hongjoong into another state of distress.

Mingi couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled in his throat. He’d never get tired of the two and how they could always find a way to stir trouble. They worked together like a well oiled machine. A pair of twins that could read the others actions and work it out without a second thought. It was admirable really. 

A small part of him twisted at the sight.

“Hey,” 

Before Mingi could even start drifting into his thoughts, a voice pulled him out. The couch dipped under the weight of his friend and the peach haired boy pressed up right beside him, as if the close contact was not a big deal.

“Stay awake past midnight again?” Yunho smiled. His voice was warm— comforting— and his eyes sparkled under the light of the sun that peaked through the cracks of the warehouse. Just his presence made Mingi brighten up. 

“You could say that.” He returned the grin, stretching to over exaggerate. “I didn’t really feel sleepy at all. So I binge watched some vids online. Basic shit you know?”

That was a lie, simple and calculated. Mingi had a list of excuses he could use. He knew what it took to make sure everyone wasn’t worrying about him. To keep himself from being a burden. 

“Yeah. I do that sometimes too.” Mingi felt his friends stare tread on his face. Like he was the only thing there. It was normal though, to look at someone you were having a conversation with.

Despite his confidence, he watched Yunho carefully. He found a familiarity in his friend. In how his facial expressions were also controlled and calm. Mingi didn’t know if Yunho was going through anything like he was or…

No. His lips quirked down a bit at the idea. He wasn’t going through anything. And even if he was, Mingi knew that telling someone such as Yunho could make it worse. Especially if his inkling of a thought was correct. 

He tried not to flinch when he felt a hand gently hold his, made sure he wouldn’t stare too long at Yunho’s eyes. “Just don’t stay up for too long okay? Don’t want your sleep schedule to be fucked up.”

“Psssssh. I have a pretty good handle on life bro. You see me in the gym working on my quads?” 

“Yeah?” His friend's eyes scrunched up and a lilt came into his voice. Yunho couldn’t stop the continuous string of laughs from Mingi’s jest. “How’s that going for you? Get mad dummy thick yet?”

“Oh for sure.” He rolled his shoulders back and relaxed. Turning his attention to the back door creaking open, he saw Yeosang and Jongho shuffle in. Perfect timing. “You see Baby Apple coming in right now? With where I’m at, I could suplex him.”

Yunho’s chuckles grew louder and he bumped against Mingi’s shoulder happily. He cracked an eye open and the look in his eyes was sinister. “Want to show me? I’m very interested to see how it goes.”

A cold sweat gathered at his back and his heart skipped a beat. No way in hell did Mingi actually want to try it out. He couldn’t even stare bitterly at the kid before getting launched into the sun. All metaphorically of course— but Mingi wouldn’t doubt Jongho’s skill.

Instead he brushed the suggestion off with a haughty laugh. “Nah. I have to give everyone a break today. One wrong move could set the warehouse on fire you know? Especially from me.”

“Yeah yeah.” Yunho snickered. He shoved Mingi with one hand, the other still holding the younger boy. “Next time then. And I’ll bring my camera.”

“I’ll make sure to look extra hot that day.” He smiled for only a second. The light feeling faded away as fast as it came, and his eyes drifted off to where the others were at.

In the span of minutes where Yunho and Mingi were joking around, everyone had already moved on to do something else. 

Sadly, Hongjoong had given up the chase to his precious notebook, and the two mischievous culprits were having quite a lot of fun scouring through the pages of lyrics. But the blue haired boy paid no notice, seemingly more invested in helping Seonghwa out with some work he started doing.

Mingi always found it weird how their group worked sometimes. It was as if any previous conflicts slipped away, like it was nothing. No one dwelled on it or brought it up. They just moved on.

He didn’t get it. In fact, the idea made an uneasy feeling start to churn in his stomach. Had Hongjoong ever complained about the two to Seonghwa? Didn’t he ever get sick of them and think to ever cut them off? Tell them they were being too immature?

Shifting in his seat, he glanced at the others with eyebrows furrowed. They had their squabbles every so often, did any of them ever consider just dropping each other? Or perhaps saying something? Anything. It didn’t even have to be nice. How the hell could it be nice anyways.

‘If you don’t stop being obnoxious, I won’t be your friend anymore. You’re just too aggressive, why can’t you be more quiet.’

The phrase caused something to claw at his rib cage and seize his lungs. Not right now. He wouldn’t bring himself down. Not in front of the others.

Sighing, Mingi subconsciously peered over at Yunho and they locked eyes. A thrill went down his spine. Along with a piercing fear.

“Do I look that pretty?” He forced the corners of his lips up but his mouth pressed into a thin line.

Yunho blinked at the statement and lifted his head from Mingi’s shoulder. “You’re always pretty.”

His voice was monotonous and Mingi felt something prod at his chest. Something much duller, more familiar than the alarm of being caught zoning out by Yunho. His body shrivelled inward when the peach haired boy turned towards him. 

He didn’t like staring into Yunho’s eyes. They were too emotional, too serious, he didn’t want to be so vulnerable. But he still looked right back at Yunho. He was too good at reading emotions for Mingi to hide. And he was too weak right now to keep up the act.

“You’ve been really tired this past week. Are you sure nothings bothering you?” Yunho’s voice was soft. Too soft. It was disgustingly sweet and concerning and everything that Mingi wanted to hear. Just not now. 

Small flashes of his night came to the front of his mind. Yesterday was stupid. No reason to bring it up. He was just weeping. Nothing in particular had hurt him that day, he didn’t fight with his parents or try to reach out to any of his old friends again.  
Mingi couldn’t— he wouldn’t— tell Yunho he just cried for no reason. That was a waste of time. 

“I’m doing pretty good.” He shrugged halfheartedly, leaning back and trying to act at least somewhat calm. “I’ve been really trying to up my productivity level you know? Keep myself in shape and all that shit.”

In spite of his words, Yunho never faltered his gaze. It irked Mingi and yet, his blood pressure felt like it was skyrocketing. Why was Yunho being so open and kind right now? Did it mean anything?

His heart thrummed and he didn’t know if he was about to have a panic attack or if he was falling madly in love.

It was like his life was suddenly a game, and there were two choices in front of him. His throat itched to say something else. Maybe hint that, yeah, there could be something terribly wrong with him. Except when he thought of it, there was no way he could just give a hint without completely exposing himself.

How long was he staring at Yunho?

“Seriously nothing’s wrong.” Mingi snapped himself back into the present, ignoring the heavily awkward tone his voice made. His hands started to get clammy— or maybe he was imagining it. He hoped he was imagining it.

He looked into Yunho’s eyes and saw nothing. There was no way he could tell if his friend knew what was going on. Or if he was completely unaware.

The thought of either one dug at his stomach. It made him feel sick.

Before he could even think, his stare broke off from Yunho’s intense gaze, Mingi did his best to casually scrutinize the others. 

None of them realized what was going on. They were all too absorbed in their own little worlds to pay mind to the two’s sudden confrontation. In fact, it was as if neither of them existed to the rest of the group at all. Like if they disappeared, no one would notice. 

No. They would notice. Without Yunho there, they would realize that Mingi was gone too. 

Conflicting feelings pulled at his brain, grasped his mind and tore it apart slowly. A monster hung over in his head, sinking its teeth into his skull until there was nothing but white noise and suffocation. 

Yunho shifted, his movement causing Mingi to move his gaze back at him. The strained atmosphere washed away with his smile, and Mingi felt his mind turn fuzzy. 

“Ah, sorry about that.” Yunho rubbed the back of his neck, looking sheepish. “I was just worried.”

About him? 

“If I made you feel uncomfortable or anything I’m sorry. But if you need anything I’m here to talk.”

The words made Mingi’s heart sing. But he watched Yunho, who started to turn away, his attention moving back to the rest of them. Despite his friends' words, his body told a completely different story.

Mingi couldn’t keep him there forever. There was going to be a point when he would need to let Yunho hang out with everyone else. He didn’t want to be selfish.  
This was stupid. He was thinking like he was in love with the man. A twisted, possessive love.

“I’m fine.” Mingi insisted feeling his words curl around his neck and make him nearly choke. Mustering any more words or remarks would cause him to crumble.

Yet he still gripped Yunho’s hand a bit tighter, desperately hoping that he would get the message. Guilt stabbed at his gut. Now wasn’t the right time to say anything. It was too happy. Mingi didn’t want to bring the mood down.

Although a part of him screamed, cried out for him to just keep Yunho there for a bit longer, Mingi was scared. Frightened that it was too soon for Yunho to see that side of him. To see something besides a grin. 

And at the same time he wanted to be seen, wished Yunho could give him one glance and know. But no one was like that. Mingi didn’t want anyone to be like that. So he loosened his hold with a forced smile.

“I’m just tired. The idea of school’s been bothering me.”

Yunho quirked an eyebrow at him and Mingi forced himself to stay indifferent. “Are you sure?”

The word scratched at his throat and nearly made him choke.

“Yeah.”

He should’ve said something. Something more than a single word. Perhaps put more emotion in what he said. Articulate his words as something more than a lame response. The feeling of Yunho’s hand started to slip away as he stood up.

“Alright then. Just so you know though,” His friend looked back with an encouraging smile. “I think you’re going to kick this school year's ass.”

Mingi pushed out a laugh and waved his hand, coaxing Yunho to stop before slipping his headphones back on.

He watched. Yunho wasn’t even a metre away from him before San took his hand and dragged him elsewhere. Mingi wasn’t dumb. Yunho wasn’t his to keep. There was no way that he could take the peach haired boy and hide him away for himself, that was just selfish.

But when he took in the scene before him, Mingi thought it wasn’t fair.

None of them had known each other for that long, perhaps save for Yeosang and Wooyoung. Still, it was as if they'd known each other forever. Mingi wasn’t sure if he was particularly included in that sentence.

Out of everyone in the group, Mingi didn’t really know where he fit. 

Wooyoung and San clicked ever since their first meeting, they’ve been inseparable ever since. It took a while for Seonghwa and Hongjoong to warm up to each other, but nevertheless there was a bond set in stone. Yeosang and Jongho kept to their own world, a pair that could coexist in complete harmony both together and independently. And Yunho was the jack of all trades that could bounce between any of them with no qualms about it.

Sure, Mingi could get along easily enough with any of them as well. But for how long? He didn’t exactly have the cleanest record. Truth be told he was the only one that could even say that. Not that he wanted to. He wasn’t going to brag about how much he’s hurt people in the past.

And maybe that was it, his stare bored against the wall behind his friends. All he’s done before this was hurt people.

Shaking his head, Mingi pushed the thought into the back of his mind. Not now. He wasn’t going to deal with that now. His friends were right there, waiting for him. There was no logic behind separating himself and wallowing in his emotions.

So with a grin plastered on his face, Mingi got up and joined the rest of them.

‘Nice job out there.’ 

The running tap was the only thing to be heard that night. Once again, the city was falling into a sapphire haze, as the world flipped upside down and pressed restart on the day.

No one in his neighbourhood was awake at the time. His family was sound asleep already, the house still and quiet, as if no one was home. The only thing that seemed alive was the water pooling in the bathroom sink.

It was way past twelve and Mingi knew that this would be hell on him the following morning. That is, if he even woke up before noon hit. 

He wasn’t really worrying about things like that. Not at this ungodly hour. Instead he focused on finishing his night routine, ready to end another day and knock himself out.

‘What did you accomplish today?’ Mingi splashed some water on his face, the fifth time in a row, scrubbing his skin forcefully. ‘Besides being a complete wreck of course.’

When gazing into the mirror, his reflection stayed stoic. Dead, puffy, scarlet eyes stared back at him and traces of salty tears trailed down his cheeks. The ones he’d been scrubbing at for five minutes. So that when he woke up his parents wouldn’t find out what was happening inside his head.

It wasn’t their fault. Entirely. 

There was no point putting any blame on them anymore. The past was past and Mingi had proven himself to be a good actor. Perhaps the one thing he took pride in. Even if the feeling was bittersweet.

‘This was all your fault.’ 

He turned the faucet off, straightening his posture. Watching the droplets roll down his face as if he was crying again.

‘If you had not pretended that this was something serious maybe you could’ve had more fun.’

Mingi clenched his jaw and took in a deep breath. He turned away from the mirror and wiped his eyes again. His legs felt heavy as he returned back to his room, he didn’t want to waste time watching himself cry.

‘Yunho knew what you were trying to do. He’s probably in his room now. Thinking about how much of an attention whore you are.’ 

His bed felt soft, comforting. Like the warm hug of an old friend after years of being apart. The duvet pressed heavily against his body and surrounded him in a cocoon of warmth. He let his muscles deflate from the tension and he was left staring blankly at the ceiling once again.

There was an inner monologue in his brain tonight. Just like every other night as of late.

If he kept acting like this, it wasn’t going to be long until he hurt someone again. He had everything if needed, everything he wanted right now. Mingi couldn’t afford to lose it all over something so miniscule as a few simple encounters. It felt so stupid to let this all eat him up like this. 

Either way, Mingi begged to whatever God that history wouldn’t repeat itself. 

‘You never meant to hurt them. But that doesn’t matter, you still did.’

Biting his lip, he forced himself to try and push the voice away. Think of something happy like the day he spent with his friends, the past experiences he’s had where there was nothing but laughter and warmth. Something that reminded Mingi of home.

Yet every time he tried, a dark cloud spilled over his brain. There was a storm brewing in his head and no matter how many times Mingi tried, he couldn’t calm it. 

He wished he could stop thinking for once. He wished he could spill it all out. Tell everyone that— yeah maybe there was something wrong with him. 

But he couldn’t. 

Forcing his eyes shut, he imagined himself in a dark room. Nothing there but him. Just floating around and existing without a fear or worry. 

He tucked his legs in on himself and forced his breaths not to come out as pitiful whines. The empty, hollowing feeling in his gut was pushed down along with any sickening feeling that his mind could muster. 

Mingi was selfish, he wanted the world to ignore his every action and yet at the same time wanted to bask in their glory. He knew that was arrogant of him, that all he wanted was attention although he thought it wasn’t right.

So he never said a thing about it. Although, at nights he wished someone told him he was good. Because good was never a word used to describe him

Translucent droplets stained his pillow that night.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic on here! Haha. I’m not exactly used to the platform but I hope I can post more! Perhaps import works or something. Anyways I hope you enjoyed it!


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